Why you feel like a fraud and what to do about it

Why you feel like a fraud and what to do about itWhy you feel like a fraud and what to do about itYou dont belong herbeie.Youre bedrngnis good enough.You got lucky.Theyre going to realize you arent that smart.Ever heard this voice in your head? Youre far from alone. Its called impostor syndrome.More than 70% of successful people have felt it at one point.Via The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women Why Capable People Suffer from the Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive in Spite of ItIn a study of successful people by psychologist Gail Matthews, a whopping 70 percent reported experiencing impostor feelings at some point in their life.Are you one them? Ask yourself these questions.Via The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women Why Capable People Suffer from the Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive in Spite of ItDo you chalk your success up to luck, timing or computer error?Do you believe if I can do it, anybody can?Do you agonize over the smallest flaws in your work?Are your crushed by even constructive criticism, seeing it as evidence of your ineptness?When you do succeed, do you secretly feel like you fooled them again?Do you worry that its a matter of time before youre found out?And even if you havent heard that voice in your head, someone you care about almost certainly has. It plagues successful women Sheryl Sandberg wrote about it in her bestseller,texas tea In.Ive posted a lot about how to be more successful. But the interesting thing about impostor syndrome is that you already are successful. You just have trouble accepting it.People with impostor syndrome have trouble internalizing competency. You can see the achievements on yourresume but youre emotionallydisconnected from them. The story the resume tells and the story you tell yourself dont line up for you.Lets learnwhy this happensand what you can dotofix itWhat is Impostor Syndrome?Why do so many know-it-alls really know nothing while so many smart people are unsure of themselves? Its a serious question.Be rtrand Russell once saidThe whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts.Psychologists found an answerits called the Dunning-Kruger effect. Basically, inept peopledont have enough experienceto properly evaluate how littleexperiencethey have, so they think theyre brilliant when theyre not.(Think about the people at the beginning of every season on American Idol. Yup. Bingo.)On the other hand, experienced people realize how often theyve been wrong in the past and will sometimes second-guess themselves - even when theyre right.And tons of very successful people youre familiar with have voiced these feelings.Albert Einsteinthe exaggerated esteem in which my lifework is held makes me very ill at ease. I feel compelled to think of myself as an involuntary swindler.Maya AngelouI have written eleven books, but each time I think, Uh-oh, theyre going to find out now. Ive run a game on everybody, and theyre goi ng to find me out.Mike MyersAt any time I still expect that the no-talent assekuranzpolice will come and arrest me.Whats even more ironic is that not only do verytalented people often have impostor syndrome, but they are actually less likely to really be dishonest. People with impostor syndrome turn out to bemore honest than average.Via The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women Why Capable People Suffer from the Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive in Spite of ItIn fact, people who identify with the impostor syndrome have proven to be less likely than non-impostors to engage in academic dishonesty such as plagiarism or cheating.Some studies show its equally common in males and femalesbut others have found its much more prevalent among women. The term impostor syndrome was coined ina study of high-achieving women by Pauline R. Clance and Suzanne A. Imes.Sheryl Sandberg summed up a number of the studies showing women consistently underestimated themselves at work and school.ViaLean InMul tiple studies in multiple industries show that women often judge their own performance as worse than it actually is, while men judge their own performance as better than it actually is. Assessments of students in a surgery rotation found that when asked to evaluate themselves, the female students gave themselves lower scores than the male students despite faculty evaluations that showed the women outperformed the men. A survey of several thousand potential political candidates revealed that despite having comparable credentials, the men were about 60 percent more likely to think that they were very qualified to run for political office. A study of close to one thousand Harvard law students found that in almost every category of skills relevant to practicing law, women gave themselves lower scores than men. Even worse, when women evaluate themselves in front of other people, or in stereotypically male domains, their underestimations can become even more pronounced.Why might impostor syndrome be such an issue for women?Because its extremely common among anyone who feels like an outsider, like they dont belong.Via The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women Why Capable People Suffer from the Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive in Spite of Ita whopping 85.7 percent of foreign-trained medical residents in Canada tested high for impostor feelings.And when youre not an outsider, these effects often go away.Via The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women Why Capable People Suffer from the Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive in Spite of ItAs researchers at Massachusetts Institute for Technology discovered, once the percentage of female students in a department rose above 15, womens academic performance improved. Girls who attend single-sex schools have higher career aspirations than both boys and girls at coed schools. Studies repeatedly show that if you attended a womens college, you are likely to have higher self-esteem and more intellectual self-confidence than your counter parts at coed institutions. The saatkorn is true for African Americans who attend historically black colleges.And reality can follow feelings when you feel powerless you actually perform worse on cognitive measures. Feeling marginalized actually (temporarily)makes you dumber.And if youre in a situation where stereotypes say you shouldnt do well, you perform worse. Are girls worse at math than boys? They definitely are if you remind them that theyre girls.Via The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women Why Capable People Suffer from the Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive in Spite of ItThe simple inclusion of a check box for gender on a math test causes women to perform worse than men.And this goesfor men too.Via The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women Why Capable People Suffer from the Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive in Spite of ItMen who were told that a test measured social sensitivity, on which men do worse than women, performed more poorly than those who were told the test measu red complex information processing. In the same scenario, womens performance did not differ.(To learn how to be happier and more successful, click here.)So when youre feeling like an outsider or are dealing with negative stereotypes about your abilities it can lead to impostor syndrome. But if you actually are performingwell, why cant you accept it and break free? Theres a reasonThe vicious circleStudies show impostor syndrome is related to anxiety and intense fear of failure.So yourace to keep up the facade but when you work hard to make sure youre not found out, it only reinforces the impostor belief.You fooled them again. But next time you might not be so lucky.Via The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women Why Capable People Suffer from the Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive in Spite of ItThe fact that researchers have found a strong link between fear of failure and the impostor syndrome is hardly surprising. In one way or another youve spent your entire adult life trying to avoid stumbling. In the impostor world there is no such thing as constructive criticism - there is only condemnation. To not make the grade in some way only serves as more proof that youre a fraud. And to receive less-than-positive feedback from someone else - well, that just makes it official.You keep working harder but never feel better. As Jim Carrey once said about his own impostor syndrome and subsequent hard workIf I remain worthless in my own mind, I will be the king of show business.But now not only are you feeling bad and overworking but youre also alone. You cant tell anyone your secret.You feel like you cant ask for help because youll look incompetent.In the end, its exhausting. Working hard, afraid of being found out and not being able to turn to anyone is enormously stressful. Eventually you may see self-sabotage as the only way out.(To learn how to stop worrying, click here.)But there are ways to get overimpostor syndrome. Heres how1. Focus on learningDrawing on the resea rch of Carol Dweck, one study recommends focusing on learning instead of performance.People with impostor syndrome often think theyre not smart enough. And they dont think they can get smarter.So they focus on performance goals like, How can I get that perfect score? instead of learning goals like, How can I improve?Focusing on improvement means you know youre not perfect but you know you can get better. With that attitude, you can. And if you fail, hey, you learned something.But focusing exclusively on performance goals means anything less than perfect is death. Thats incredibly stressful and pushes youto do things that are extreme, unhealthy and maybe unethical.(To learn the neuroscience behind 4 rituals that can make you happy, click here.)So if youre focused on learning, what should your goals be?2. Aim for good enoughMicrosoft software has bugs. And they know it. And thats okay. Valerie Young quotes James Bach as sayingMicrosoft begins every project with the certain knowledge t hat they will choose to ship a software product with known bugs.If they tried to make it perfect, it would never be finished. Ever. So they focus on good enough.Via The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women Why Capable People Suffer from the Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive in Spite of ItJust stop expecting yourself to remain in a constant state of extreme brilliance. Instead strive to feel comfortable with being fabulously adequate. The reality is, even the brightest and most talented among us spend the majority of their waking hours smack in the middle of the competency scale.Swarthmore professor Barry Schwartz says good enough is the secret to happiness and neuroscience studies agree.Instead of doing everything to keep up this illusion that youre perfect, accept that youre not. Dont build self-confidence, build self-compassion. Forgive yourself when you screw up.Research shows increasing self-compassion has all the benefits of self-esteem - but without the downsides.(For more o n howto buildself-compassion, click here.)Learning goals and good enough can help but theyre not the silver bullet. This is . . .3. Take off the maskAt its essence, curing impostor syndrome is simple take off the mask. Dont be an impostor.John Churton Collins saidIf we knew each others secrets, what comforts we should find.The pressure, the pain, the discomfort all come from the secrecy. But, as we established, 70%of successful people have felt like this at one point and a substantial number are feeling it right now. SoYou are the majority.But the pain is caused by not talking to all the others who are just like you.No,you dont have to email everyone at your company or school, subject line IM A FRAUD. No self-flagellation with a cat-o-nine-tails is necessary. You just need to tell someonehow youre feeling.You suffer in silence because youre silent.Via The Imposter Phenomenon in High Achieving Women Dynamics and Therapeutic InterventionA group therapy setting or an inter-actional gro up in which there are some other high achieving women experiencing the impostor phenomenon is highly recommended. If one woman is willing to share her secret, others are able to share theirs A group setting is also valuable because one woman can see the dynamics in another woman and recognize the lack of reality involved. Mary cannot believe that Jane thinks she is stupid. After all, Jane has a PhD from an outstanding university, is a respected professor, and is obviously bright. In a group setting, the ways in which an individual negates positive feedback and maintains her belief system emerge in clear relief and can be brought to the attention of the client.It doesnt have to be a therapy session. It can just be a chatA particularly effective tactic is talking to other people. We cant peer into the minds of others and see that, Wait a minute, everyone else is also just as mystified says Kruger, so people need to make the effort to discuss their performance with their peers. When y ou discover that the people you admire (or fear) sometimes worry about their own achievements, it can give you perspective on your own anxieties.Talk to someone you suspect may be dealing with or may have dealt withimpostor syndrome. Someone thatcan relate. When you share your feelings, three things happenYoure not an impostor anymore. Youre not faking it. You took off the mask.Youll hear that someone else hasfelt this way too. Youre not alone. And itdoesnt need to be hidden.And most importantlyThey get to look you in the eye and tell you just how insane you sound. Now if it stopped there, you might be able to dismiss it theyre just being nice. But the best part of itis this person thatyou respect is going to tell you how theyve felt like a fraudand then youre going to tell them how insane they sound. And then youre going to realizeHey, uh, do I sound as crazy as they do when I say Im a fraud?Yes. Yes, you do.And thats how thespell is broken.(To learn the lazy way to be awesome at l ife, click here.)It may not happen immediately, but sharing with someone else and realizing how common this is is a huge first step.Still think youre alone? 210,000 people get my weekly newsletter. Thats a lot of people. You dont think Ive said to myself Im writing this in my underwear while drinking cold coffee why in the world would anyone take me seriously?So, no, youre not alone. ??Now lets round this up and take the vital first step toward curing impostor syndromeSum upHeres how to overcome impostor syndromeFocus On Learning Forget appearing awesome. You can get better if you try, so focus on that.Good Enough Goals Stop trying to be prefect. (Yes, that was a typo. Im not fixing it. Its good enough.)Take Off The Mask Talk to someone you think is facing the same issue. Youre not alone.As Neil Gaiman saidThe moment that you feel, just possibly, you are walking down the street naked, exposing too much of your heart and your mind, and what exists on the inside, showing too much of y ourself That is the moment you might be starting to get it right.So whats the best first step?Schedule an unmasking. Right now. Send an email to someone you think will understand and set a time to sit down and talk.We all wear masks every now and then. Its part of life. But from now on, if youre going to wear one dont do it because youre an impostor - do it because youre a superhero.Join over 210,000 readers.Get a free weekly update via emailhere.Related postsHow To Stop Being Lazy And Get More Done 5 Expert TipsHow To Get People To Like You 7 Ways From An FBI Behavior ExpertNew Harvard Research Reveals A Fun Way To Be More SuccessfulThis article originally appeared at Barking Up the Wrong Tree. ??Now lets round this up and take the vital first step toward curing impostor syndromeSum upHeres how to overcome impostor syndromeFocus On Learning Forget appearing awesome. You can get better if you try, so focus on that.Good Enough Goals Stop trying to be prefect. (Yes, that was a typo. Im not fixing it. Its good enough.)Take Off The Mask Talk to someone you think is facing the same issue. Youre not alone.As Neil Gaiman saidThe moment that you feel, just possibly, you are walking down the street naked, exposing too much of your heart and your mind, and what exists on the inside, showing too much of yourself That is the moment you might be starting to get it right.So whats the best first step?Schedule an unmasking. Right now. Send an email to someone you think will understand and set a time to sit down and talk.We all wear masks every now and then. Its part of life. But from now on, if youre going to wear one dont do it because youre an impostor - do it because youre a superhero.Join over 210,000 readers.Get a free weekly update via emailhere.Related postsHow To Stop Being Lazy And Get More Done 5 Expert TipsHow To Get People To Like You 7 Ways From An FBI Behavior ExpertNew Harvard Research Reveals A Fun Way To Be More SuccessfulThis article originally appeared at Barking Up the Wrong Tree.